i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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