I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
