I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
