Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How external is "for external use only"?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
