doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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