I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
tell me about the eggs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
