I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
