I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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