laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
