I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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