my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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