Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
