we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
