i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
