Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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