yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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