so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
