Whod you bang
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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