There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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