you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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