So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
