found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
