fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
