Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
