i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
