SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
