I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
