Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Randomize
