honey bunches of taint.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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