her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
