I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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