I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
