WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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