also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
