I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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