i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
