they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
