Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
