I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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