it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
