i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
