if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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