pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
