I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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