My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
