Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
