I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
