If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
