Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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