hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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