Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
