I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
