Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
