ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
