i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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