This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
