So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
