Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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