if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
