Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
